We climbed into the Chevy Traverse after a hike through the woods. After making certain my kids were buckled safe and secured into their car seats; I began to drive down the road. With music playing on the radio and excitement exuding within my children’s voices, an all too familiar smell wafted from the backseat to the front seat. As my nose hairs singed from a poopy stench, I went from happy fun dad to irritated dad.
I peered into the rearview mirror and surveyed my kids wondering which one was the dookie culprit. “Check your shoes. One of you stepped in poop.” My kids struggled to raise their feet. “It’s me,” said my son. “Me too,” said my daughter as she dropped her foot, causing her shoe to slide down the back of the driver’s seat, generating more stench diffusion into the air.
The Traverse pulled into a McDonald’s parking lot and I jumped out to examine the damage. Streaks upon streaks welcomed me as I opened the door. “How…” was all that escaped my lips. I stood dumbfounded at the amount of poop tracked into the vehicle. “How much scat did they step in?” was a question I asked myself repeatedly as I used napkins to wipe their shoes, the carpet, and the backs of the seats.
Fearing that I’ll never be able to work with Chevrolet again, I drove to a Dollar General store and purchased carpet cleaner and we headed back to a treehouse we were staying in. I told them to run around in the leaves and do their best to clean the rest of the poop off while I cleaned the inside of the vehicle. Swear words bottled up inside of me, but I held them back as I cleaned all the greasy remains.
“I’m sorry I stepped in poop,” my son said as I shut the door. “It’s okay,” I replied, “it happens to all of us.” But what I didn’t know at that moment that it would happen 3 more times! Yes, that’s right, my kids stepped in animal droppings 4 times while on our trip. I suppose that’s what happens when you go hiking for 5 days in a row and visit farms in Amish Country.
So, if you have kids that love to step in dog poop, goose poop, or other varieties of poop, then the 2020 Chevrolet Traverse 4WD High Country is for you. With a length of 204.3” and a width of 78.6”, children will have plenty of room to drag feces. And with 7 seats, if they tire of sliding their shoes along the back of one seat, there are others to choose from.
The comfortable seats and driver lumbar control along with the heated steering wheel will help the driver relax as you contemplate if taking the kids on a poop infested journey was a good idea. And at 27 highway miles per gallon, you’ll be able to travel far before filling up to get to the destination quicker.
The Traverse may have received a fantastic 5-Star Safety Rating, but your kids will rank it number one in cars they love to stink up. Or number 2 for that matter. The rear camera mirror may keep you from backing up into another car or a tree, but will bypass all the pellets on the ground so tiny shoes can stomp away without a care in the world.
And since a fully loaded Traverse comes with OnStar and a plugin for your smartphone, you can go hands-free as you try to find the nearest carwash to wash away all that corrupted your sanity.
Our Traverse came with a Teen Driver Technology, front and rear park assists, and rear cross-traffic alert, among many others and I’m hoping someday Chevrolet can create a poop alert that will help keep us away from lazy dog owners and flocks of wandering geese.
Our road trip covered over 1,500 miles and hours and hours of travel time. And countless piles of poop stepped in. Driving the Traverse was a highlight during the trip for its comfort, safety, and all the fancy bells and whistles made our vacation better. Cleaning up poop, however, was not a highlight.
Disclaimer: Chevrolet provided me with a vehicle to use on our road trip, but the story and words are my own.
Entertaining.
If only you could have gotten a poop manufacturer to sponsor this post as well!