I’ve joined a Momember team, headlined by NYC Dad’s Group, Life of Dad, The National At-Home Dad Network, and Dad2Summit. Movember is a time when men all over the world grow mustaches for the month of November to assist in bringing awareness to men’s health issues, both physical and mental. To donate, click here.
As I grow out my stache for this month, it got me thinking about some of the great mustaches that have warmed the upper lip. Since I couldn’t narrow it down to just 10, I had to go with 15. Even that was difficult to do.
This darn good doon-diddly mustache belongs to Homer Simpson’s neighbor Ned Flanders. Some of Homer’s dislike for Ned might be due to some deep hidden mustache envy.
Mike Ditka without a mustache would be like the world without dirt. The former head coach of Da Bears is now an ESPN analyst and still holding strong to his manly facial hair. He’s regarded as one of the most intense coaches to ever roam the sideline. The upper lip whiskers on his face add to his imposing stature.
Before Geraldo Rivera got hit in the face with a flying chair, gave away military locations, and began working for Fox News, he was a respected journalist. Though he’s worn many hats, he’s never changed the stache.
I don’t know much, but I know I love Lionel Richie’s mustache. The saddest part of that Hello video was that the poor artist couldn’t see that glorious mustache.
Rollie Fingers finished his Hall of Fame baseball career with 341 saves. The greatest save came when he stopped shaving north of his mouth. There have been many great mustaches in Major League Baseball, but Fingers’ stache stands above and beyond the rest.
Most of the mustaches on this list are here for their girth, but Errol Flynn’s facial hair makes this list for style. This dashing leading man was trend-setting back when trend-setting helped make people look good.
Nobody could walk and chew gum while sporting a mustache quite like Burt Reynolds. From driving fast in Smokey and the Bandit to wielding a marker in Win, Lose, or Draw, he not only made the mustache look cool, but also confident.
I was going to say Richard Pryor was the funniest man to ever sport a mustache, but quite frankly he was probably the funniest man to ever live. Ironically, I looked up mustache jokes and couldn’t find any from him. If there were, I probably wouldn’t have been able to put them in my blog because my kids have learned how to read.
No frontman had pipes like Freddie Mercury and no rocker had his mustache either. From under that mustache he belted great songs like We Will Rock You, Bohemian Rhapsody, Another One Bites the Dust, and my personal favorite, Fat Bottom Girls.
The Boston Strong Boy (worst fighter nick-name ever) was the first heavy-weight champion to wear gloves. During his time, John L. Sullivan finished his boxing career with 38 wins, with 32 of them coming by knockout. I wonder if 32 people made fun of his mustache.
If someone broke the law in Tombstone, they were often buffaloed by Wyatt Earp. If he would have been complimented on his soup-strainer, he probably would have let them off a little easier. Doc Holiday’s best friend went on to consult on early westerns; too bad he isn’t around to advise all of us on the art of growing a great mustache.
“When it comes crashing down and it hurts inside, ya gotta take a stand, it don’t help to hide.” If you heard those lyrics, then that meant one thing, Hulk Hogan was headed to the ring to take care of some business. Mustaches were as important to the look of prowrestlers back in the 80s and 90s as the tights they wore. Just look at the legendary wrestlers like Jake “The Snake” Roberts, Sargent Slaughter, Ravishing Rick Rude, Magnum TA, and I could go on and on. But no other wrestler past, present or future could hold a whisker to the Hulkster. So I have just one question for you, “Whatchya gonna do brother, when the wrestler with a great mustache runs wild on you!”
If this was a list of the manliest men of all time, our 26th president might be at the top of the list. Was there anything Teddy Roosevelt couldn’t do? He wrote books, fought battles, brokered peace, traveled the world, swam with piranhas, had dinner with Howard Taft and escaped unharmed, and grew one rugged mustache.
Salvador Dali not only used surrealism in his artwork, but he also used this expression on his facial hair. Whether pulled straight up, down, or tied in knots, he took his mustache to unseen levels.
Look up mustache anywhere, and you will be directed to Magnum PI, AKA Tom Selleck. There are mustaches and then there are the hairs that grow on Selleck’s face. I’m surprised that his mustache hasn’t been listed as one of the great wonders of the world. The day that I saw a picture of him without his mustache was the day that part of me died. None of us can live up to his magnificent whiskers, but I for one will certainly try.
Come November 30th, don’t be shocked if I am the new number 1. Of course, since I’m the author of this list, I’ve got total creative control to do whatever I want.
Honorable mention: Dan Severn, Groucho Marx, Chuck Norris, Ox Baker, Gene Shalit, Charlie Chaplin, John Waters
To donate to my Movember page, click here.