I don’t know about you, but I’m sick of the lack of civility these days. One political party will justify being cruel to another. One religion will justify their reason for being unkind to another. A neighbor, a coworker, a love interest, a partner, a family member, a news station; the list could go on and on. I’m exhausted.
I’m not sure when this happened. Some of you might put the blame on a group as you read this. Maybe it’s always been like this, but the rise of social media has exacerbated it. Who knows? Regardless, it has taken a toll on me.
I am an empath, which means I’m not only in tune with other people’s emotions, but I’m affected by them. If someone is sad, I become sad. I empathize with them and want to help carry their burden whether or not they want me to. If someone is sick, I want to assist anyway I can. And if I can’t, it bothers me. And when someone is mad or grumpy, it hijacks my every being. I become mad or grumpy. It triggers something deep within me. I feed off the positive energy of others and try to give that energy back. When it’s negative, it affects me to the core.
There are also those individuals that seem to have something to say that brings people like me down. I realize this is an issue that I have to work through and I am doing the work with my therapist. We all have people in our life that when you’ve introduced a fun and light conversation, an interjection of negativity is added, similar to the Debbie Downer skit on Saturday Night Live. When someone sticks a trolling rod into the mix, it’s like a punch in my gut. It changes me.
In those moments of spontaneous pessimism, a “flight or fight” reaction wells up inside. And usually, I check out. I am an ambivert; a term that personifies those that are a mix of introvert and extrovert. I’m an extrovert around people that I feel safe and comfortable with. In situations where I might be new or am mixed with people that are my opposite, I’m introverted. When negativity strikes, I fold up inside.
My love language is “acts of service,” so along with being an empath, feeling positive emotions are difficult these days. Acts of service folks show love by doing things for others. We also feel love when people do things for us. When someone displays unwarranted anger or displeasure, we feel we’ve done something wrong or that we’re being attacked. There’s no middle ground.
In talking to others like me, many people are not well internally. We put on a friendly smile and when asked how we’re doing, we always say, “fine.” It even happens with my therapist. She’ll start our session with, “how are things going?” I’ll always answer, “Good.” After she digs around, I open up. And when I’m done, I’m exhausted.
With the political climate being the way that it is, I am craving kindness even more. It could be one reason I enjoy going to a restaurant or a bar by myself. Even though the staff is being paid to be kind, it gives me a lift. I keep searching for ways to fill up my happiness cup, and it’s hard. Positive people bring me to life. And in turn, I pass it on to others. The news, commentaries, and social media showcase the world’s worst. Then, we amplify cynicism and gloom onto one another.
There’s no quick fix to healing the unkind epidemic. The only vaccination for cruelty or even callousness is spreading kindness and moments of joy. We’re at the tip of the iceberg when it comes to callous feelings for one another. I know it’s the empath and acts of service person inside me speaking, but we must view and respond to one another with grace and compassion. That includes those like me. The “fight or flight” characteristic isn’t emotionally healthy either.
This year is a big year for me and the country. I turn 50 this year. My mid-life is on the downswing and I’ve had to undergo a lot of recent life changes. It’s also a key moment in American history and world history. I can’t see the world getting happier unless we love our fellow man, despite who they are or where they come from. And we must put in the work and be kind. Those of us that feed off of positivity are craving to give it right back.
Here are some other stories on mental health:
Living with anxiety
Running for Mental Health Reasons
Mental Struggles and Migraines
Mental Health Apps for When You Need a Little Extra Care
And if you need some joy in your life, watch these Debbie Downer skits.
I agree with you. I believe it is overall a lack of respect and honor for others. I believe this has been accomplished very intentionally through the repetive mantra of dividing us and pushing us towards a continuous self-centered, egotistical, narcissistic bend to our outlook and perspective of our own lives and those around us. As you have said, I believe social media (and media in general) have escalated this to its current “iceberg” status.
True, we want to be reassured that we’re right and when we we’re not, others are the enemy.
Food for thought. Thanks.