{Interior of a small apartment. A 20-year-old Jason is making faces in a mirror while practicing various dialects. A knock is heard at the door.}
20-YEAR-OLD JASON: Come in.
{41-year-old Jason enters and looks around}
OLD JASON: I love what you done with the place.
YOUNG JASON: Who are you?
OLD JASON: I’m you from the future.
YOUNG JASON: What are you doing here?
OLD: I’m here to offer you advice.
YOUNG: Um, okay. Who will win the Super Bowl?
OLD: Not that kind of advice.
YOUNG: But if you are me and I place a bet, we could be rich.
OLD: You moron! Haven’t you seen Back to the Future 2?
YOUNG: Good point. What are you, like 65?
OLD: I’m 41!
YOUNG: 41? What did you do to me? Where’s my hair? My precious full-body waving hair?
OLD: I would still have hair if you took better care of it! Listen, here’s what’s going to happen. When you are about 28 or 29, you’ll go into a store to try on a suit. You’ll catch a glimpse at the top of your head and you’ll lose your mind. You’ll try to convince yourself that the beginning bald spot is a cowlick. But it’s not. Your hair will slowly fade away year by year. You’ll be among the 32% of men that start losing hair by the age of 35.
YOUNG: 32%? What are you talking about? Where did that statistic come from?
OLD: From Rogaine. This is a sponsored post.
YOUNG: A sponsored what?
OLD: A sponsored post. All the cool people are writing them. Anyway, you need to get Rogaine®. Specifically, the Rogaine Unscented Foam, and apply it twice a day. Rogaine® has been clinically proven to regrow hair up to 25% in 3 months.
YOUNG: What are you talking about?
OLD: A sponsored post! I’m giving you facts.
YOUNG: Okay, I’ll get on that. The hair is covered, now what about your figure?
OLD: What’s wrong with my figure?
YOUNG: My 6 pack is gone.
OLD: Well, that’s from years of drinking 6 packs. You’ll want to take it easy on the beer and junk food.
YOUNG: Then at least give me this. How many Oscars have I won?
OLD: Zero.
YOUNG: Emmys?
OLD: Zero.
YOUNG: Tonys?
OLD: Zero, but the kids at the library during story time appreciate all those acting classes we went through.
YOUNG: I think I’m going to be sick.
OLD: Don’t worry. The acting isn’t going to work out for you, but you’ll have something even better to take its place.
YOUNG: What’s that?
OLD: A family. You are going to get married and have 4 children. You’ll embrace every day as though it was made just for you and the kids.
YOUNG: Can you give me some tips on being a dad? I don’t know anything about kids.
OLD: That will be the beauty of it. You’ll learn as you go, which will make it all the more rewarding.
YOUNG: Okay. So we turned out okay then?
OLD: Yeah, we’re good. I’ve got to run. The baby will wake up soon.
YOUNG: Thanks for stopping by. I’ll start the Rogaine® treatment today.
OLD: Great. Oh, one more thing. Go see your grandparents. I wish I could.
YOUNG: Will do. See you in 21 years. Hopefully with more hair.
{Old Jason exits. Young Jason lifts up his shirt and flexes his abs in the mirror.}
Disclosure: I have partnered with Life of Dad and Rogaine® for this promotion.
To purchase your bottle of Unscented Rogaine® Foam, click here.
And…..scene.