A Conversation with a Younger Me: A Rogaine Tale in One Act

rogaine{Interior of a small apartment. A 20-year-old Jason is making faces in a mirror while practicing various dialects. A knock is heard at the door.}

20-YEAR-OLD JASON: Come in.

{41-year-old Jason enters and looks around}

OLD JASON: I love what you done with the place.

YOUNG JASON: Who are you?

OLD JASON: I’m you from the future.

YOUNG JASON: What are you doing here?

OLD: I’m here to offer you advice.

YOUNG: Um, okay. Who will win the Super Bowl?

OLD: Not that kind of advice.

YOUNG: But if you are me and I place a bet, we could be rich.

OLD: You moron! Haven’t you seen Back to the Future 2?

YOUNG: Good point. What are you, like 65?

OLD: I’m 41!

YOUNG: 41? What did you do to me? Where’s my hair? My precious full-body waving hair?

OLD: I would still have hair if you took better care of it! Listen, here’s what’s going to happen. When you are about 28 or 29, you’ll go into a store to try on a suit. You’ll catch a glimpse at the top of your head and you’ll lose your mind. You’ll try to convince yourself that the beginning bald spot is a cowlick. But it’s not. Your hair will slowly fade away year by year. You’ll be among the 32% of men that start losing hair by the age of 35.

YOUNG: 32%? What are you talking about? Where did that statistic come from?

OLD: From Rogaine. This is a sponsored post.

YOUNG: A sponsored what?

OLD: A sponsored post. All the cool people are writing them.  Anyway, you need to get Rogaine®. Specifically, the Rogaine Unscented Foam, and apply it twice a day. Rogaine® has been clinically proven to regrow hair up to 25% in 3 months.

YOUNG: What are you talking about?

OLD: A sponsored post! I’m giving you facts.

YOUNG: Okay, I’ll get on that. The hair is covered, now what about your figure?

OLD: What’s wrong with my figure?

YOUNG: My 6 pack is gone.

OLD: Well, that’s from years of drinking 6 packs. You’ll want to take it easy on the beer and junk food.

YOUNG: Then at least give me this. How many Oscars have I won?

OLD: Zero.

YOUNG: Emmys?

OLD: Zero.

YOUNG: Tonys?

OLD: Zero, but the kids at the library during story time appreciate all those acting classes we went through.

YOUNG: I think I’m going to be sick.

OLD: Don’t worry. The acting isn’t going to work out for you, but you’ll have something even better to take its place.

YOUNG: What’s that?

OLD: A family. You are going to get married and have 4 children. You’ll embrace every day as though it was made just for you and the kids.

YOUNG: Can you give me some tips on being a dad? I don’t know anything about kids.

OLD: That will be the beauty of it. You’ll learn as you go, which will make it all the more rewarding.

YOUNG: Okay. So we turned out okay then?

OLD: Yeah, we’re good. I’ve got to run. The baby will wake up soon.

YOUNG: Thanks for stopping by. I’ll start the Rogaine® treatment today.

OLD: Great. Oh, one more thing. Go see your grandparents. I wish I could.

YOUNG: Will do. See you in 21 years. Hopefully with more hair.

{Old Jason exits. Young Jason lifts up his shirt and flexes his abs in the mirror.}

Disclosure: I have partnered with Life of Dad  and Rogaine® for this promotion.

To purchase your bottle of Unscented Rogaine® Foam, click here.


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