Ryan Reynolds gave a statement that he’s taking a break from acting. I guess flying around and going to great locations while pretending to be someone else is too hard of a job. Here’s the thing though, when I took a break from acting 17-year-ago, I didn’t go on MySpace and make a big deal. I simply stopped.
The fact is, Ryan Reynolds has been trying to be like me for a long time. Taking a break from acting is his most recent emulation. Yes, he’s 17-years later; just one more thing added to his list of ways he’s copying me. I’ve compiled a list of how Ryan’s dream life is being me.
- The acting break: Once upon a time, I too was an actor. You could catch me performing at various auditions throughout New York City. Then, the little baby arrived and things had to change, besides diapers. My nights were no longer late because of networking parties. They became late because the baby needed to be rocked back to sleep. In the mornings, my sleep-deprived eyes coasted through. I chose family over an unpromising career. The break continues until the family no longer needs me. (Probably forever)
- Pizza: I used to eat pizza with another guy and a girl. And lo and behold, Mr. Reynolds goes and makes a TV show about it. Very original.
- Wild(er): In college, I was a little on the wild side. And I was a bit older than most of the other students. Van Wilder was like a biopic. Maybe Reynolds took a peek at the diary I wasn’t writing.
- Demonic House: A house with a bunch of crazy things happening inside. Has anyone been reading my blog? Don’t answer that. With 4 kids, there are always things going bump in the night. The real haunted house isn’t in Amityville, it’s in Queens. Stop by my place if you want to see a deranged father lose his mind.
- Chaos: Ryan made a movie called, “Chaos Theory.” My life is filled with chaos. The only chaotic prediction around here is that it will be chaotic.
- Greene, not Green: Besides the break, the most obvious way Reynolds has attempted to be like me was by playing the Green Lantern. He probably chose the role so he could come close to my name. Also, I’m known to flop around from time to time as well.
- Spirited: As a former bartender, I’m known to mix things up from time to time. When friends come over, a gimlet is a popular request. In trying to one-up me, Reynolds had to buy Aviation Gin.
- Kids: This is where I’ve got one up on Reynolds. He only has 3 and I have 4. Ha! Let’s see you outdo that one, Billy Simpson.
- Marvel: This one is a stretch, but I’m sure I had something to do with Reynolds making Deadpool. So, the kids and I go to the comic book shop after every doctor’s visit. It’s a ritual. My son was perusing the racks one day when he picked up a Deadpool comic. He opened it and I quickly yanked it from his hands. I cautioned, “That’s a profane comic and you shouldn’t be reading it. There’s a lot of sex, bad language, and violence.” Well, that must’ve perked Ryan’s ears.
- Tips: And lastly, I noticed on IMDB.com that Mr. Reynolds is making a movie called, “Everyday Parenting Tips.” Oh, really! Parenting Tips? I’ve been doing that for 10 years! It’s time Ryan Reynolds lives his own life and quits using his career to copy mine.
Apparently, by creating this list, I prove that I have too much time on my hands after I walk the kids to school. Maybe I’m still upset about being overlooked at being The Sexiest Man Alive for 2010. I do like Ryan Reynolds. He seems to have a great time in all of his interviews, and I love the banter he has with his wife over social media. One reason I love Ryan Reynolds, though, is he seems to have a great grasp on fatherhood. It’s always fun to see a high-profile actor be completely comfortable in his skin. He was asked in an interview once about work/life balance and he was genuinely happy to receive the question. This was his response, “For me, it’s really about prioritizing.” It looks like he’s got his priorities right. Enjoy your break, Reynolds. And if you need a stand-in for Deadpool, I could use a break from my break.