Trying to save face when there is egg all over it

A trip to Costco with kids is either an exciting family outing with all the various samples that the kids love (sad, but true), or an agonizing shopping trip that will make you want to curl up in a fetal position inside an extra-large box of Kirkland Supreme Diapers. There isn’t any middle ground in where you stand in a Costco trip with kids. Those are your only options. I had no idea that on this day my trip with my one-year-old would sink to the lowest of lows of Costco shopping.

If you have a one-year-old, you are already well-experienced in functioning on little sleep. Whether it is a change of sleep patterns or new teeth appearing, one-year-olds can ruin your peaceful slumber. I have not known a good night’s sleep in… I’m too tired to count right now.

 

 

 

On this particular day, my son woke up from his nap while I was in the middle of cleaning the house.  I was suddenly reminded that I needed to stock up on groceries at Costco. I dressed-up my ragged and weary looking self the best that I could and made my one-year-old look as cute as ever. Because, for some reason, I don’t mind looking like I stepped off the stage with Mumford and Sons as long as my boy looks like he is about to be filmed for his starring role  on The Cutest Babies in the World Show.

We arrived at Costco as the rain came down and quickly ran inside, because walking with umbrellas in the rain is for wimps.

I have a system when I shop at Costco. First, I buy all the dry goods and non-refrigerated items, and then I double back around to the dairy section. Not only does this help the refrigerated items stay cooler longer, but it also gives me a reason to get seconds on the free samples.

My one-year-old and I strolled in front of the egg cooler as I checked my watch. We had one hour to complete our shopping trip, get home, find a parking spot, and pick up the two older kids from school. My weary body jumped into hurry-up mode. I opened the large doors to the grab some eggs. On this day, the eggs were not stacked as high as they usually are, which means they’ve been sitting longer. When they sit longer, you are more likely to find a carton with a broken egg inside.

There was a divider alongside the eggs and I placed my hand on it so I could lean in and grab a carton from the back of the cooler. As I leaned in, the divider fell down and I went shoulder first into the eggs. I’m not sure if being tired or old-fashioned clumsiness was to blame, but I landed with a crunch.

I will say this, if you are going to fall onto something, falling on egg cartons makes for a soft landing. It also happens to make a messy landing. Eggs and cartons crashed all around me. As I tried to stand up, things only got messier. I pressed down on a carton only to sink lower. Finally, I was able to stand up and take survey of the damage.

My one-year-old looked at me in disbelief.  It may have been the earliest that a child has ever been embarrassed of a parent. People were staring at me. Costco workers were staring at me. If I could have, I would have been staring at me. There I was with egg yolk and shells clinging to my clothes, along with egg carton cardboard. What little self-respect I had left after years of getting peed on and puked on was gone.

As I made eye contact with all those that continued to stare in my direction, I leaned back into the egg cooler and searched for a carton of eggs that wasn’t broken. I grabbed it, stood up, nodded to the Costco worker, and said, “Oops.” And then with the shells and yolk still fresh on my shirt and pants, I continued with my purchases. Because Dignity is not my middle name.