After my wife and two older kids scurried out the door to begin their day of working and studying, I began my day trying to potty train kid #3. Let me get this off my chest – I hate potty training kids. It is my least favorite part of parenting. I’d rather take my kid for a blood test than sit by a toilet and beg him to drop something out of his butt.
After wiping the day’s first pee pee off the floor, I turned to pour myself some coffee. From across the room, I saw the bent knees of my toddler, which only means one thing – he’s dropping a deuce. I should add here that we believe the best way to potty train is to let the kids be free of pants and diaper (going full commando, if you will). That way, you can be ready when the moment is right and swiftly take them to the bathroom. Unfortunately, there are moments when I’m not so swift and this was one of those moments.
With my coffee break slamming to a halt, I ran over to my son just as the pooh hit the floor. As I hoisted him and ran to the bathroom, more fell out. With poop splattering across the floor and on me, we arrived at his potty. He fought with me as I tried to make him sit him down. And for good reason, he was done. After cleaning him and then the floor, I attended to myself. There is no self-respecting way to clean toddler poop off of you.
As I returned to my coffee cup feeling beat, my toddler turned on the radio in the living room. A song came on that I so needed to start my day (a day that would include hundreds of trips to the toilet as my son peed on floors and all over me).
What was that song? Let me sing a few lines for you:
So many times, it happens too fast
You trade your passion for glory
Don’t lose your grip on the dreams of the past
You must fight just to keep them alive
It’s the eye of the tiger
It’s the thrill of the fight
Risin’ up to the challenge
Of our rival
And the last known survivor
Stalks his prey in the night
And he’s watching us all with the
Eye of the tiger
Yes, I have the eye of the tiger. I gulped my coffee down like it was a glass of raw eggs and ran to the living room where my son was playing as though I was chasing a flock of chickens. The song pumped me up for the challenge I faced. I wasn’t facing Apollo Creed, Thurnderlips, Clubber Lang, or Ivan Drago, but I was facing a potty-training toddler – an equally formidable foe. I looked my son in the eye and said, “let’s do this.” And I’m not sure, but I think he said, “Go for it.” And so I did. I went for it.
We spent the rest of the day running to the bathroom, with little success. But this was just Round One. Someday, just like the two kids before him, he will learn to make tinkle and pooh in the potty. Until then, I’ll have these words playing in my head:
Risin’ up straight to the top
Had the guts, got the glory
Went the distance
Now I’m not gonna stop
Just a man and his will to survive*
*Eye of the Tiger is a song written by PETERIK/SULLIVAN and performed by Survivor.